All My Love
by Tirya King
Summary: [G1] One lonely mech, four lonely letters. Answer to challenge.
1. Summer

Title: All My Love

Author: Tirya King

Summary: G1 One lonely mech, four lonely letters. Answer to challenge.

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. It be zee Hasbro's. Except for Tailwind. She's mine.

A/N: Wait, what? I'm updating? Heh, yeah. This is a response to a challenge made by DesertCat. We each gave each other guidelines for a fic and this is mine. My requirements were that I couldn't use one of my regular characters, that it had to have romance, have an original character, and it had to be short. Not my best work by any means but it's something! This will have four parts to it. Enjoy!

All My Love

Tailwind,

I know it's been a while since I last wrote to you. I doubt you would understand how busy it's been as of late. Between the Decepticons' Evil Plan of the Week and the various 'adventures' that take place in our own base, it's a wonder I even get a chance to recharge let alone find time to write.

I apologize, those are excuses. Not very good ones at that. The truth is, ever since I left you back on Cybertron, I've been a bit reluctant to get back in touch. I know what you're thinking, probably a nicer version of what everyone else is thinking on the Ark. Poor rich boy. Why would he ever be scared of getting back in touch with his old life of leisure?

To tell you the truth, I'm… afraid of what might happen if I go back. I'm afraid that I'll be found lacking, unable to fit back into the mold. I've changed, Tailwind, all these years of war have changed the mech I was. Even the years spent in stasis have changed me.

I'd like to say it changed me for the worse. That I was better off being the noblemech who raised a rifle only for sport against turbo-foxes. I went to claim that this war has turned me into a brute or a thug or some other creature who is redeemable and who's situation is pitiable.

Yet I can't. To do so would be to lie and I have more honor than that.

The truth is that somehow my time in this army has changed me for the better. I don't know of any other who can claim such a thing. I've discovered something more important than sport and parties and high crystal towers. There are mechs here, from all levels of life, who live, work, fight, and die amongst each other. I admire their camaraderie and though I still love my privacy, I can't help but long to be included. To be trusted like those who I would never trust back in my crystal towers. Here they do not care about status or wealth or material things.

What these mechs care about… is more important. More real. Each day out here could be our last. And if these mechs fall, all they have to leave behind is not wealth and trophies, but their memories. And when I woke up after 4 million years of stasis, I realized that I could have been like that forever, lost to time. And I realized I did not like the memory I would have left behind. The memory I did leave behind.

Which is partly why I write to you now.

When we were younger, we would always visit each other and talk. I can't recall a single topic we ever had, but I remember cherishing those times. In our world, the world of towers and nobles and parties, true friends are hard to find. And you, Tailwind, were among the truest of friends I had. The fact that I tried to forget you after the attack that destroyed our beautiful world is testament to my foolishness.

I'm known among the others as a loner. A stuck up mech who loves only Cybertron and the crystal towers I was ripped from. A neutral at spark who joined the Autobots only because it was convenient at the time. Yes, I was and am many of those things, but I must admit my adopted planet, much as it isn't home and will never be, has earned my respect.

It is summer here on Earth. I know that means little to one how has lived all her life on Cybertron where it is never day let alone capable of a summertime. Yet despite the fact that you've never seen a summer does not stop me from associating it with you somehow. Perhaps it's simply my own wish to see you again that drives this association. Perhaps what the humans say is true and absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Whatever the reason, I see you like I see the summer.

I've often stood alone on a warm summer's evening after completing a mission or assignment or duty, and I've watched the sunset. In the summer the round sun sets in a ball of flames and heat. I've never seen something so beautiful to mark the end of a day. And with its departure comes darkness. Cold. Loneliness. Much as the darkness aids my function as a spy, it is the sunlight I love most of all about this planet. And I can't help but see you in it. Beautiful, strong, a flame that burns brightly day after day.

And after the sun sets at last, I can see creatures the humans call bats and dragonflies come out. They remind me so much of the Skydancers, of you. If I try hard enough, I can almost see you performing right along with them. Your shows were always things I looked forward to each month. When I come to visit you, on my next leave, I will be sure to bring an image of a dragonfly. I think it is a creature you would like.

You are the light and the flames and the beauty of summer. You're the unbearable heat and the strength of life. You're like the summer.

I count the days until I can see you again. But until then, this letter will have to do.

All My Love,

Mirage


	2. Autumn

A/N: This is the second part to the fic. I'm so happy at the warm reception it's gotten. I wasn't sure if anyone would like it. Thanks!

Tailwind,

So much as happened since my last letter, I barely know where to start. Some things don't seem to change while others move too swiftly to keep up.

In only a few short months I've learned much about myself, about those I fight alongside. It isn't like the noblemechs back home much to my distress and delight. Few of my comrades trust me, and I can count on one hand the 'bots who would entrust their lives to my care. Many know my story, I… was not exactly reluctant to explain how I was a Neutral refugee. One who would rather fight than roll over and die. Understandably this did not inspire any confidence in me as a mech or soldier. I thought they would trust me simply because of the fact that I was from such high and legitimate origins.

It appears that trust and friendship is earned here, not bought.

You were like that as well, I remember. No matter what I said, you would always call me on it if I was being at all insincere or false. You drove me to the brink of insanity when I first met you. I know many resented you for your brutally honest nature. However... I found myself attracted to it for the most inexplicable reason. You were honest; you were fresh; something new in the dull life I led.

If there was one thing I know you hated, it was the high position in society your occupation gave you. Such is the life of a Skydancer, isn't it? All those rehearsals and moments of pain and hard work… In the end all you managed to achieve was a few performances for some stuck up 'bots who couldn't care less.

Well, I don't mean all certainly. I loved watching you, Tailwind, I would go to all of your performances. Nothing could keep me away from it when you were the lead that particular evening. Even before I thought of you… in more serious manners than as my dear friend, I was struck dumb by your grace and delicacy. Of course anyone who accused you of such would receive a sound fist in the helm. You never were one who could play the part of 'damsel in distress.'

Here we are in the middle of Autumn now. Of all the seasons, I find this is my favorite. The unbearable heat that threatened to peel paint and melt rubber is gone, and there seems to always be a cool breeze in the air. Tracks tells me that in New York and the surrounding areas, a place which no doubt means nothing to you, the leaves on the trees appear to be on fire as the leaves change color. We do not have it to the extent of the East, but it's still very beautiful to see.

I've often stood in the middle of a forest and thought of you. The red leaves fall and dance in the wind, reminding me of how you would fly during your performances. You were a shooting flame in the perpetual night sky. In a few weeks, all the trees will be bare and the leaves will have died and turned brown. After the Skydancers were cancelled, I thought you would have died as well. It was your life, your one true passion.

I should have known you were much too strong to curl up and die. Even when the war hit, you refused to back down.

I've seen you close. Primus, I know I've seen you on the verge of giving up. You called me when you were at your most vulnerable, and I did what I could to pick you back up. I don't know why I was the one you called for, out of all the people you knew, out of all your friends. I'm never very good at comforting; I'm hardly what you could call a very 'sociable' person. Even at those parties I liked to frequent, I still stood to the side, interacting very little with the majority. I loved the world that you and I lived in, but I hated the rules that must be played to stay. I suppose it's only after I left it and you that I realize just how much I did hate it.

If it weren't for you, Tailwind, I don't think I would have ever survived it. You were so smart, you were able to avoid the worst of those social 'rules' that seemed to control everyone else. There wasn't a mech or a femme you couldn't shoot down. I remember how you used to rant to me about it, about how stupid it all was. Too foolish to see it like you did, I defended them. My closest friend, and I turned on you in defense of those who scorned you.

You were and always will be autumn. On the verge of despair, yet holding on despite everything. Beautiful and dancing and all things peaceful. On my next leave, when I am able to return to Cybertron to see you, I'll bring a dried leaf still colored by the autumn. It's not an expensive gift and nor is it elaborate. Most would say it's not even that beautiful. But it's simple and elegant even if it isn't gold or silver.

I think you'd like something so simple as you always did find large expensive things to be distasteful. I couldn't understand back on Cybertron in a world that valued big and gaudy and beautiful. All the other femmes around you, even your fellow performers, valued such things. But not you. Never you. And now, here in the simplicity of a mid-autumn where beauty can be found even amidst the dying trees, I think I do understand.

I find, Tailwind, that I have found some semblance of happiness here where I once found only dirt and war and ugliness. I feel the same sort of contentment I once found in your embrace. And I know that if you were here with me, among the falling leaves of gold and scarlet, I would want nothing else in my life.

I count the days until my leave and I am able to see you again. But until then, I will content myself with watching the dancing leaves of autumn.

All My Love,

Mirage


	3. Winter

Tailwind,

Although I've seen it many many times by now, I don't think I will ever become accustomed to the falling snow. It is the middle of winter now. New Years Eve actually at about 11:30 p.m. Here on Earth, in every human culture I've encountered, the New Years celebration remains a constant. Though the methods and traditions change from people to people, the reasoning doesn't. A celebration for renewal, reflecting on the past, vowing to change things that you never actually intend to change. Looking forward to another year of promise and hope.

For a species that die so soon and fear death with such poetic intensity, how strange it is that they rejoice so in the passing of another year. Yet rejoice they do, finding pleasure in what they should logically fear and hate.

Children eat what they call 'candy,' a more energizing and enjoyable form of sustenance. Adults drink their form of high grade. Gifts are exchanged, parties are held. For one day, there is no fear of death or the passing of time, only hope of renewal.

And, of course, there's the snow.

Unlike the New Years, snow does not occur all over the world. It occurs at a lower temperature and is formed of frozen water. We do not have water on Cybertron, and a good number of us certainly had an… interesting first reaction to lakes and especially rain. Real rain, not the acid rain of home. Neither do we have snow, so I will try my best to describe it. I'm afraid it will largely be like trying to describe color to a mech without optics, and I have not the gift for words that some of my peers have.

Snow is white and soft, drifting to the ground in gentle waves or harshly falling blades. To Cybertronians, it is harmless if irritable at times. Yet to humans, it could mean death. It isn't the snow that can harm, but the cold that brings it. In winter, it looks as though the whole world is dead, barren of life. Organic things cannot survive it without great difficulty. Yet at the end of every winter, I see trees, creatures… life prevails over the larger forces that would destroy them. Against all odds… much like our own people I suppose.

And not only do these creatures survive the winter, there are those that thrive in it. Yesterday afternoon, while waiting to report findings of Decepticon movement to Hound, I noticed a pair of young Earth creatures. Foxes I believe they are called. They weren't starving or hurt or struggling to survive.

They were playing. Playing in the snow like two sparklings from the Golden Era. As though they couldn't be safer or happier than right where they were. They kicked up the white substance in each other's faces, wrestling happily. Even in the midst of such empty, cold bleakness… there is life, vitality, happiness.

And there is beauty too, I've found.

The snow, in such large quantities, appears endless and makes everything look the same. Yet up close… Perceptor showed me once. He had been so excited, he showed half the base. But up close each single snowflake is different from its brothers. Each one is delicate and beautiful and complex and so different! It is impossible to describe one properly to you. On my next leave, I'll bring an ornament of a snowflake to you.

You are my winter, in all its terrible beauty. Your anger could freeze a soul or leave one feeling bleak and empty. But when you were at peace, you were as beautiful as the settled snow at night, glittering under a moon. Serene and clear and harsh, you can house playful young ones and destroy unsuspecting enemies at the same time. Beautiful and terrible… it is who you've always been. And amongst your fellows in the Skydancers you fit in so nicely, like the piece of a multicolored puzzle. Yet you were never like them. You were unique though you could be so similar.

Humans spend the celebration of the New Year together, with their loved ones. I have my comrades, but I think I will have to content myself with the memory of your smile. I count the days until I can see you again even as I sit here, watching the dancing snow.

All My Love,

Mirage


	4. Spring

A/N: Last part! Thank you everyone for your comments! I'll be working on my other unfinished fics now and this has been great in helping to get me writing again

Tailwind,

How long it's been since I've been on Earth. On Cybertron, the same amount of time would seem like a sparkpulse. Merely a few years here… and yet I feel like it's been a lifetime. Some have speculated that it must be due to the short-lived nature of things here. No creature here lives very long here. Even the environment is born, grows, and dies too soon. It should make me restless, upset, jittery…

Yet I love it, the constant change. Life on Cybertron was so tedious, so gray and alike. Is it any wonder I was the way I was? Anyone would turn into a callous beast after all that.

Anyone but you that is. You never let our world get to you or change the way you were. If only I could be so strong. It's hard enough not to let this Primus-forsaken war get to my very core. It's getting to some of the others; I can see them day after day. Every war has victims and the soldiers of this war are no exceptions. I can only pray that I will not be counted among them.

It's been a year since I started my letters to you, after I got over my needless fear of how they might be received. It's Spring now, and the cycle of the Earth has come full circle. One can only imagine how that time would be compared with Cybertron, for we have no more suns left with which to put time against. Perhaps that's why time seemed to go on so for long… it had merely stopped. After all, what is time but the measurement of movement?

The springtime here erases any of the bleakness and disparity of winter. New flowers bloom and the snow melts away to reveal light emerald plant beneath. One can hear the birds singing again as one travels along a patrol route or on an espionage mission. Everywhere around me there is birth, renewal, life. Any of the heartbreak caused by the harshness of winter has been replaced by this warmer season. There is no wound that cannot be healed by Spring.

I look around while on my routes, and while I cannot possibly appreciate this as much as my friend Hound does, and I know you would like Hound very much, I do see things that make my spark skip a pulse. I've seen red petals blooming from seeming nowhere, the last of the winter's snow shining on its surface. I've seen feisty little squirrels, a small creature much like the turbo-mice of home, chasing each other through the foliage when weeks ago, they were still and silent as the dead while they slept through the worst of winter.

My favorite sight is one that I treasure each and every time it comes into view. There is a creature called a deer here, and there is little I can do that can describe it for you accurately. It is a gentle creature, timid and delicate. Humans have many ways of thinking of them, but for me, I see them as innocence. In the spring, many creatures here have produced little ones of their own and you can see many new families if you know where to look.

This deer family that I saw took my breath away in how simply… amazing it was. The little one was shaky on its tiny feet, so its creators could not go to fast. Every now and then it had to be helped to its feet after a tumble. There was a male and female creator, its mother and father, and each had equal duty for their small one.

There are so many dangers that face this young life and I know the odds are stacked against its surviving the spring, but I hope it does. Those three live a life of innocence even if they don't know it. They can survive and learn and love and have families without ever worrying about the changing seasons or the new predators. I so wish I could live like that, Tailwind. And if you'll allow me to be so bold, I wish I could lead this life with you at my side.

On Cybertron the thought of being tied down with a mate let alone a creation would have terrified me. True one's creation is not reliant for long and seldom do the bonds last long after the sparkling has left for its own fortune. But a sparkling… one of you and I… Primus, why couldn't we have been like those deer? Back home in our towers we were just as innocent and naive, ignorant of anything around us but our own lives. I had a chance and I retreated out of fear. I would hope a creation of mine would not be so cowardly.

What would you have said if I had brought this subject up to you before? Would you have laughed at me? Would you have been angry? Or would you have, against all hope, agreed with my wish? If I weren't a coward would things be different now? Would you still be with me and would we have a family, even in this soulless war?

I feel like so much has been wasted, precious lives and time both. Yet as bad as it gets and as badly I feel for myself, I know that come a new cycle, spring will be there ready to wash it all away. When this happens, will I be with you once more or will I be somewhere else? Only Primus knows. And perhaps you, for you were always the smart one.

You are my spring, Tailwind, for you were always so innocent and could wash every sorrow from my body. You were that flower just ready to bloom fully, yet still so beautiful even as a bud covered in melting sparkling snow. Upon my next visit I will bring with me a picture I took of that deer family, nuzzling and prancing in a field of those flowers.

I will lay my four letters and my four gifts upon your memorial where I know you can see them. I've been a coward these past years, Tailwind, please forgive me for that. Until this moment, as I sit here writing this one last verse, I was afraid of going back up there to see you again. Yet I also know you will be as you've always been and I'll be called a silly little noblemech and I will be embraced and forgiven at once. You were always like that and I wish I could hear you do it again.

The days may be long until we finally do see each other again, and I no longer fear its coming to pass. Death does not frighten me anymore, for I know I will have a dancing angel, one of passion and serenity and shine and innocence, waiting for me. I was not able to tell you enough, but I love you. I always have. I will make you proud of me so that on the day we meet I will not be ashamed.

The days are few before my next leave and I look forward to seeing the place where your soul links to our world with that small marker in that huge hall. This may be my last letter for a while, but know that you are always on my mind and in my spark. You are in each cycle of my life, and with this renewing of seasons I know our own love might yet renew in some other place and time. Forgive this one of all his vices and fears, he does what he can. My gifts will surely express my feelings better than my words ever will, for I was never talented with the pen. My love, my Tailwind, my sweet dancer… how you've made such a silly gentlemech of me.

All My Love,

Mirage


End file.
